My GPS sucks.
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How does it feel? How does it feel? To be all alone? With your cover blown? Your collusion shown? A complete self-own? Like a Roger Stone.
I shudder to think what Jesus would go through if he went to a Catholic high school.
It's humiliating to know you're the best I could do.
Atheists who mock Me as "your imaginary friend" are wrong. I'm not your friend.
Why don't poor people just have more money?
It is a pointless waste of energy to worry about the past. The future though, holy shit.
I'm going to trade you for a planet that's younger and hotter.
Money can't buy happiness, but love can't buy a Ferrari either.
Nice to know that somewhere out there is a truly sensitive man.
Sex is a beautiful but sacred thing and you shouldn’t have it until you and your partner are absolutely sure you're horny.
I got a girl pregnant and it messed up everything.
Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
I am shutting down the universe until you pay to build a wall around it.
The Bible is a great moral code until you start to read it.
One day people will start a religion based on My son's actual teachings.
Wait, I'm Putin now?
You can tell how stoned I am.
You were the best I could do. I'm just not very good.
Well played, My Roman equivalent.
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